Happy Birthday to You!!!

With hope in life, a journey had begun

So many stories, so many words

Happiness and strife in one page

A page filled with emotions

Sribbled away on sand

Love, hurt, smile and tears

I shared them all

And with you

I was

Free

From all

Bounds and cage

Breaking all ties

From all pain and lies

Autmn waned, spring is here

A new leaf in book of life

Without inhibitions and fear 

I began this journey four years back

And finally I was Caged by Freedom

Posted @ Alphabe-Thursday(H), Thursday Poets Rally 

PS: We complete four years today...What a wonderful journey it has been. Thank you everyone for reading and encouraging me at all stages. This place means the world to me and I promise I will make it up this year for all the lack of writing. 

Death and all His Friends

I don’t know why I chose the above title. Maybe because for me it’s the most intense episode of Grey’s Anatomy.

College Days are one of the best periods of one’s student life. They remind us of some innocent and some not so innocent moments where we have laughed, cried and we have grown up. Ask my parents, they will tell you I have matured through my years of college. And like everyone else I still love to go back the memory lane and remember the days of my transition from a kid to an adult. But some moments, are there in your memories not because they are worth the reminder but because they leave a lesson. A lesson to remember for the rest of our lives.

“I am leaving. Bye. Take Care.”

Having received that message, none of us could have believed what was to follow in the next few days. 

I wouldn’t call him my best friend, not even a good friend but he was a friend. Not an acquaintance but a friend. I am sure you all must have had such friends who though you wouldn’t call when you were wrecked but just made the circle of friendship complete by their mere presence. Their presence mattered. His presence mattered if not in my life but in so many other lives around him.

But we received that message and then a week after that we were at his funeral. He had taken that last leap of life after sending that message.

I will never insult his memories and the friendship we had by accusing him for what he did or why he did. But I will not justify him eider. And I am not even here to talk about his reasons whatsoever they were.

Newton said it and I experienced it that day. “For every action there is a reaction.” I am here to talk about the reaction and not his action. That was my lesson.

I saw it. She sat there with tears that refused to stop. She had questions. So many of them. But the one who could answer them had desolated her. Her questioning eyes probed me and every one of us standing there. She wanted to know why her son had left her..

“What had happened??”

“He had gone to college. He was fine. He never said a word. Then what lead to it?”

“Was he upset about something?”

“Did I do something wrong?”

So many questions and she asked us. I didn’t have the answers. None of us did. They rightly say that Death is hardest on the living and I could see the living proof in those despair filled eyes.

I cried for few days. I was sad for the loss of my friend. I had my own questions too. And then, I moved on. But still after 8 months I know she must still have the same questions. She was his mother. She had loved him with all her life but he found his life so hopeless that he couldn’t even remember her before taking that leap.

I am making no judgments here of right or wrong. But I learnt my own lesson that day after meeting her.

No matter how much insecurity I have. No matter what life shoves at me. May I be paralyzed in the world of desolation and gloominess. No matter what happens.

I would never leave my parents with same questions. I would never be the cause of that question mark in their life. Because I know, that even in my state of paralysis theirs will be the hand supporting me and helping me out. Because I may never be lonely till they are with me.

Because at one stage or the other of life, we all hurt our parents and their expectations. But never  hurt them in a way which can never be forgotten or forgiven.

So what was my lesson, “Live, Shweta. Always live because even when your own life seems pitiable to you, you will always be special and precious to those two people who brought you to this world. Live for them, if you can’t live for yourself.”

Even with hopelessness and

Insecurities

I shall always live 

Posted @ Month of the Year Challenge(March), OSI

PS:  Thus, March was not a good month. Though I profoundly believe no year or month is good or bad. It’s just the perception of our experiences. I might change that opinion if the world actually ends on 22^nd December 2012.

Winter Nights

Dear Diary,

Looking outside the window, I see the roads being left behind. It’s a cold winter night and there is a lull that comes with what I call the Winter Package. Over the years in delhi, I have grown to like this silence. It brings an unexplained tranquility in me. Peace which seems to have deserted me tiptoes into the silence trying to breach my walls of chaos. I have learnt to ignore its efforts now.

My cellphone hums one my favorite ghazals in the background,  “Tum hamare nahi to kya gham hai, Ham tumhare toh hai ye kya kam hai.... (I won't mourn, for you are not mine, It's far enough that I am yours.)" As the tune fills my room, I seem to be lost in the cacophony of my thoughts.

I can never pinpoint the specificity of my thoughts. They are scattered all over my grey cells creating a chaos of their own. As if the world needs more. As I gaze into the darkness of the sky and watch the traffic pass by, I wonder why I stand in the dead of the night in my balcony and suffer the gust of cold wind blowing across my face. My lungs and sinuses screech for relief. But I give them none.

I stare into the nothingness and try to fill in the emptiness that has become a part of me for no reason whatsoever. I am not loner in general. I love to get along with my fellow species but still a part of me craves for the familiar loneliness of my room. Yes, it has become my companion of most nights.

When the world sleeps at least one part of it, I lay awake looking and searching for something I know I can never have. Well like its said, A girl can always try. But do I really try? I really don’t know. Like I said, my thoughts are just a chaos.

Between you and Me, Winters have always been my favorite part of the year. My lungs might beg to differ but I profoundly believe that the long winter nights tend to bring the chaos in me to stand still, even if just for a while. I like the cold wind. Not only because its refreshing but because they bring along numbness which I have began to respect a lot.

The whistle of the society guard brings a halt into my train of thoughts. Irritation builds up and so does relief. I look into my watch, and I am surprised to see that night is about to end. So much for the long winter night.  

As my eyelashes start to meet, I am surprised at it. Yes, I can still sleep. My last thought,

So many nights come and go

Each night a new show

Bring with them a chaos of rhymes

Realm of thoughts, confusion shines

As the sun rises in its shed

I let them go with a relief in heart

And as the sun sets in red

They come back to me, refusing to part

Love,

ME

Posted @ Month of The Year Challenge (January), Sunday Scribblings

Struggle of Silence

Together yet so apart

Leaving me with a

Struggle of silence

Posted @ OSI, HH, Haiku My Heart

PS: I haven't taken such a long break from writing, but feels like my muse is on a leave. I hope its back for good now.

Magic, Rain and You

She looked out of the window and saw the raindrops bathing her pane. The vision of the world had gone blurred for her. All she could hear was the splash of water. She had always loved rains. The smell of wet sand, the pools of water, children rowing their boats and some dancing to the tunes of nature, everything. There was something magical about it. She never understood why some found it gloomy and grey.

She wanted to open the windowsill and wet her fingers in ecstasy. Yet, something held her back. She tried to let go, but still a string, a memory wrapped its fingers around her and pulled her into its cocoon.

Memories, yes rains always made them fresh. As if the sand of time, just for a while, slipped into the past…

“He loved rains, maybe that’s why she loved it too. The craze of those coalesce drops, she never really understood but in spite of it, she fell in love with its craziness, with his craziness.

Hot tea!! Every rain, he brewed it for her. One spoon sugar, little milk. Just the way she liked. He rarely forgot her habits. Each cup was accompanied by hours of conversation. There was also that silence. Not the awkward type, but the one where you hum with your eyes and dance with your heart.  Yes, those moments were precious.

She often complaint, why his love splashed all over only when it rained and he would pull her into his arms and whisper, “Because like rain, you are beautiful”. Rain was like a talisman for there love that had sheltered all there precious moments.

He would give up all the restraints and dance with her under the heaven of pouring clouds as if enjoying the shower of love. Like kids, they splashed in the pools of water unaware of the bonds of society. There was only one bond – Love and rain. “

She missed it all. Today, it was raining and she held a cup of tea. It was hot, it was perfect and yet a tinge was missing. There was no one to complain to anymore. Rain was still beautiful but there was no one to call her that.

The bond between them was no longer of love. It was those umpteen threads of memories that tied her heart to him.

She looked at the falling rain and once more bundled the strength to give up those restraints and drench her soul. Today, it was no longer a shower of love. The clouds cried with her. Their admirer was gone. Her love was gone.

Par in baadlon se kya kahun,

Jo barson se uski aashiqi rahe hain

Ye sochkar ki mujhe unki kami na ho

Kabhi baraste hain zameen par

To kabhi baras jate hain mere dil mein...

What should I say to these clouds?

Who have forever been his love

Thinking I might miss him

They sometimes drench the land

and sometimes drench my soul....

Posted@ OSI, Sunday Scribblings

PS: This was inspired by a wonderful post that evoked so many emotions in me, written by an equally wonderful writer Sourav - She Wanted him and Winter back